Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Car revving its engine

Sitting in our third floor Hollywood apartment with the windows open and Jesse is leaving for work. A car out side is revving its engine over and over again. He groans. I see an opportunity to make him made so i yell "What is THAT?!" He screams "I dont know but it is making me really mad. AND I DONT KNOW WHY." A smile reaches across my face as I know he is mad.

Arco Gas station

First post in awhile. Jesse needs to put gas in Katie's car so he can get to the airport. Riding in the back of this tiny little car is Merfy and BJ, so katie can find her way back inspite of her new 230 dollar navigation device that she got yesterday. So he gets out at the Arco gas station that is 16 cents cheaper a gallon to pump it for her using her card. Even though he has been a marine and a college student this technology is way beyond his grasp.
He gets out and is already mad because this new atm and debit card gas station machine system is too complex for him. He starts to get mad. There are beeping sounds. Blinking lights. He is getting red faced. I start to yell from the back to just turn the lever (repeatedly). THERE IS NO LEVER, I MADE THIS UP. His head is swiveling around and he is swearing and then smashes the gas pump nozzle down on her car. Katie has to get out and do it for him. He gets in the car and swears and mocks the machine. Then complains he gotten gas on his hands from a machine he never got to work. He then eats Katie's left over pizza in her car to cool down. I laugh to myself.

Monday, November 19, 2007

screaming like a girl.

A small but great way to make Jesse furious is to scream like a girl while he is on the phone. Chris and I wait until he gets mad at who ever he is talking to and then we scream like school girls. He storms in from the balcony and yells " WHO THE HELL WANTS ME TO RIP DOWN THE SHOWER CURTAIN AND BEAT YOU WITH THE ROD!!?" By now we have snuck away and are hiding very quietly so he can't find us to yell at us. This makes him even more mad. When we texts us to see where we are and we tell him we walked to the bar without him puts him over the edge that he brings the curtain rod. Showers have been drafty since.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

the bitch bartender

The shittiest slowest bartender in Hollywood. She works at Hollywood Billiards and is a bitch. A goth bitch. Takes forever to get us pitcher refills and is cold and snotty. We go there to play air hockey and because they have sports on. So after 15 pitchers of beer and numerous games of air hockey and shit talking, Jesse starts to kick "mad" game at her. (He buys her shots of jack and starts writing her notes on post cards he has acquired through out his day). He gives her a few post cards that he is writing what he thinks are clever and keen observations on and she opens up and starts to talk to him. He asks her if she has a boyfriend and she answers honestly that no she doesn't because she is a bitch. I nod in affirmation. It is closing time so Jesse asks her what bands she likes, opening the door to ask her out. She says she likes Flogging Molly so he offers to take her to the Avalon where Merfy works and the show is sold out. Just at that moment Merfy steps in and gets her number so he can get her into the show. Jesse feels like he has been cock blocked.
The Set Up: I wake up and Jesse starts to complain to us how he thinks he was cock blocked. He is getting madder and madder. I text Merfy to send me and Chris a text saying he called her and to not ask questions and just do it. So we are sitting in the car and i am egging on Jesse to get mad. Merfy sends this to our phones as instructed..

"I called Jody from last night and she was surprisingly awesome. Didn't care for the rest of you guys though. I think we are going out this weekend."

Chris hands Jesse his phone so he can read it. Jesse reads it and just drops the phone. He is so mad he cant speak. He then starts to get so mad he gets a headache. He thinks Merfy made her think that he wrote the notes. He wants to fight Merfy . He is screaming out the window at innocent people he is so mad. I want to tell him the truth because he is close to punching out the windshield. I show him the first text message i sent to Merfy asking him to mess with him.
After i show him he tells me he wants to turn around and punch me. Holland and I laugh so hard we almost crash the Armada (giant size SUV) of Shecter's.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Mike the Lisp "The Marine"

Mike the lisp. Mike has a lisp. a slur. spits when he talks. It is what he just does. Instead of getting made fun of for it he embraced it. He is a good friend.
Jesse is a marine. A jar head. A lean mean killing machine. He is the typical marine.
Mike the lisp is not a typical kid. He isn't the type of kid i see going into the military. He is not really a follow orders blindly kind of guy and doesn't fit the mold for service. So Mike signs up for the Navy. Not because he wanted to but more to be like his successful big brother. So he never really wanted to do it. After a week and half of his departure for the Navy mike the lisp was back home. Discharged. Quit. Peaced out. This made Jesse so mad. SO mad.
The set up. While watching the highlights of Navy beating Notre Dame we asked Jesse why the Marines don't have an academy. He informed us that the Marines were part of the Navy.
after conference with Chris i made him ask Jesse if Mike the Lisp was a Marine.
His blood boiled. He was on the phone with his sister and almost threw his phone across the bar. As Chris and I laughed Jesse reaches out his curled in rage hand and says " Let me tell you something". I was laughing to hard to hear the rest of it but i bet it was engulfed in fiery anger.

Leaf Monster

Jesse has been talking about being a "leaf monster". A leaf monster is when you put duct tape inside out and roll around in leaves. This will now make you resemble a pile of leaves. So you can scare kids by laying on the ground in wait. He was super geeked. Then he moved to California where there are no leaves to be found. He was bummed. His dream is crushed.
This is how I made him mad. a.k.a The set up
He went to the bathroom at Big Wang's, a bar in Hollywood, and i told Chris and Eric how i was going to bring it up and watch him get real angry. He came back without washing his hands and I let him have it.
The set up was fantastic. I was eating my pizza fries when i subtlety asked him what he was going to be for Halloween.
His face gets red. His hands curl up as he tried to describe what a leaf monster is to Erik and Chris. Both of them are laughing their collective asses off because i proved to them i could in a sentence bring Jesse to a rage.